To my beloved....

****Dedicated to the man that chose to dive deep with me through love, through contract, through lifetimes, you changed my life eternally, Love you JJ

"Abandon yourself utterly and without any technique you
will come to see a timeless experience. There will be no two in it: oneness. A consciousness will be there, a lucid passive consciousness will be there, you will know what is happening because you will be fully aware. But you will not be there; awareness will be there"~ Osho

~I am writing this to you my beloved, my true love, my mirror, my alchemy, my best friend...You called me your halo...We have part ways to come into awareness of the dysfunction that we continued to nurture within us!! How we abandon ourselves time and time again, looking outside of what we know to be true...How the reflection of light affects you? How it blinds me? How we miss each other’s energetic polarities? How we we go to back and forth on the pendulum, attempting to find our zero point? Missing our silly debates about science vs. spirituality, western and alternative medicine, missing the little things, that encouraged us to aspire to inspire! Our talks about how our lives would be, how we would be of service, how we would change the world! Our unconscious behavior of my dramatics and your cool collected ways. My emotional heart and your rationale mind. How we have been in our lives for decades, as children, as teenagers, unaware, until we decided to reconnect. I think about you every day, I still say good morning and good night, hoping you will hear me...because you once told me that there is no substitute for true love that we would be in our lives forever! Yet, in the present moment, being apart seems to be the most healing medicine for both. "He knew they were soulmates, he referred to her as such; the connection was undeniable. Anyone who had ever spent time with the two of them together could feel the truth of this, regardless of circumstances and storylines" Jahnke, (2014). I am aware that you feel the same way I do, but you have many things to clean-up, so many things to own! And you made your choice! You were not courageous, you went into fear! I am unable to wait for you! My deepest desire is for you to catch up to me...like you promised! I feel such a void and at the same time a sense of fullness within my heart! "They were soul mates…but he could never show up for any of that. He tried in his ways, but he simply could not or would not step in to the work that a soul mate connection offers to two Beings" Jahnke, (2014). Because we both know that we love each other deeply and we always will, its life, its timing that has us venturing to other paths, its evolution. This ever ending contract of surrender, learning how to love in its pure form is the gift we given each other. Teaching and learning how to deepen our hearts! And when you love something, you let them go....because in true love you never are apart! There is always longing and yearning for connection...as energetically you don't leave my side, and I don't leave yours...We both know that life will always keep us together even if it is not manifested in a romantic happy relationship! "I don’t take my soulmate’s NO personally. It is not some defective aspect of me that he has turned away from. I know this. I accept his right to choose the work his soul shows up for in this life and his own pace of readiness" Jahnke, (2014). We know each other, accept, and love unconditionally and whether we choose to go separately or united, it will be exactly how it is to be...My beloved, wherever you are in life, I love you! Thank you for teaching me how to be whole, to radiate, and to embrace forgiveness as a daily practice...."But there is an unresolvable heartache, a disappointment that does not become diluted with time or distance. My own work with this man has become navigating these emotions with an ever open and compassionate heart" Jahnke, (2014). Sometimes in life you just have to free up space to move, to flow....To let go! Forever Grateful...

Renee Jahnke, (2014) Soulmates and Choices: When the end is not the end. Elephant Journal